"Generosity is nothing else than a craze to possess. All which I abandon, all which I give, I enjoy in a higher manner through the fact that I give it away. To give is to enjoy possessively the object which one gives. "
-sartre

as i start to get older, i become more and more aware of the fact that i won't always be able to walk around in the clothes i wear now. i spent quite a bit of time considering how i want to look when i get older. stevie is the answer...not only to that question, but to most questions.

nothing ever surprises me. i can always predict the outcome of everything, relationships and encounters. i could have written the story of my life from start to finish on the day i was born. i wish, just once, i could be blown away by how something turns out. i'm not saying that good things don't happen. i'm just saying that even good things are tarnished when you can see them coming. and the bad ones too. impervious, unconcerned, unimpressed, unresponsive, unstirred, untouched, indifferent.

timing is of importance above most all other things. i'm trying more and more to rely on its jurisdiction over all matters. whether the underlying current be divine or coincidence...makes no difference to me. nothing brings me more satisfaction than something just happening because i happened to do things in a certain order at a certain time with no real clues as to the result of my actions, premonitions notwithstanding. i'm trying to find a beauty in the organic and natural order of stuff. yea. i said "stuff".

I drew you pictures of my pain.
They were so pretty.
They were so vain.



a lot of people consider bivouac to be one of jawbreaker's worst albums. i think it's alright. and i've always loved this song. sure, they have better songs, but they have worse ones too. it's indulgent. like most jawbreaker songs.