make something seem like it's what you want for me, when it's really what you want for yourself. you don't even know you're doing it. i'm always in opposition with myself. one day everything is ok. the next day i want to erase myself. curse of the gemini i guess. i don't want other people to suffer in order to get ahead. i also don't want to be left behind. everyone eventually just ends up in the same category...in the trashcan of my mind.

i had a dream last night. it doesn't matter though. you're like a ghost that's haunting these streets, but you're always a few steps ahead of me. and i know you're there, but i can't reach you. it's maybe more like i'm haunting you, but you can't sense my footsteps behind you. maybe our lines are no longer crossed, we're just stretched out to oblivion in two thin straight lines that never intersect again. maybe that means i'll always be looking at you from the other side of the street.

full moon

i went outside tonight and felt the air. everything was wet, but i don't think it had rained. i felt alone, but i saw strange things and i heard bugs crawling under leaves again. i read an aleister crowley poem, lit a candle, and went out. now i'm back, and i feel more empty than before i left. but, that's the point, isn't it?