Monday, May 23, 2011
i fall asleep most easily when other people are still awake. i'm more at ease to close my eyes with loud people in the next (or same) room than in a dark silence. if i'm sharing a bed with someone, i'm always the last to fall asleep, and it's excruciating. the late hour of a darkened night with the knowledge of so many people i know and have known sleeping soundly brings no solace or peace to my mind, it haunts me like a dream i can't find.
i really wish i could find sleep that doesn't make me feel like i'm just wasting time that could be better spent. speaking of time, it takes so much of it to make a friend. the people i feel closest to are people i've lost and then found again in one way or another. it's like, you burn a bridge and then somehow find a way back across it...maybe it's been rebuilt or like, or maybe there's just enough of it left that you might be able to make it without falling, but you know, maybe you end up taking the long way (through the valley or some shit). sometimes you remember why you burned that stupid thing down in the first place, but other times you're glad to be back and it feels more real than the first time you were there. or maybe i'm just a sucker.