necronomicon

adam and i just got into an argument because i was looking through the necronomicon and made a joke about how we should try to conjure spirits for fun. he said it would be hypocritical of his beliefs to believe in demons and spirits when he doesn't believe in god. i do not subscribe to any religion either. i just thought it would be fun to conjure shit, for the same reason ouija boards are fun. i mean, we're talking about the same thing, right? i don't believe in ghosts. i don't believe in the "afterlife". i don't believe in god. and i don't believe in the devil. but i understand the root behind all of these beliefs. it all boils down to the same thing anyways. it's something that really only allows me to align myself near buddhism or taoism. but even western religions are just warped versions of the same shit. you have to empty yourself to be full. moderation. it becomes much like training a dog. some instincts should be stifled and controlled. you needn't just kill someone because you think of it. or fuck everyone you get an urge to. you mustn't be greedy. etc...

and yes, these are the things that separate us from animals. but many might strive for more than just being "not an animal".

however, we're living in a society that is in such opposition with any religion or belief system. capitalism thrives on greed. if you're republican, like my father, you believe that greed is necessary. it has become this way. nothing works without it. should you choose to try to live without it, you will be thwarted. we are taught to buy things and that makes us happy. after a while though, we have to buy something else to fill the emptiness that has grown. and so on. that stuff you want isn't really what "we" want which is why it never satisfies. the only happiness to be found is when we do not want. if you remove any desire from your life, you will be content to just be, right? that's where many western religions fail. they hint all around that stuff but they allow for some want. they allow room for the devil to creep in. they allow the gods to test them. ain't no god, buddy. and there ain't no devil. that's all just you in there.

the sooner an individual learns this, the sooner they will be free from fear...and the religions that operate on it.

recently

jenna brought her chihuahua, arrow over to play with egypt. i'm pretty sure they're in love now. before we adopted her, she had puppies by a chihuahua...so he probably reminds her of her babies' daddy.




work has been more of a drag recently, but i've been drawing a lot more on my days off which makes me feel real accomplished or something.

now that it's getting cold out, i'm in the mood to start baking again. i like to make real fancy shit. i used to know a girl named holly and i made a lavender poundcake and some cupcakes for her birthday party a few years ago:




sometimes i see her on the street but she just kinda looks the other way so i've taken to doing the same. not really sure what happened there, and i probably don't even care. err...well, i guess i do a little because i'm sitting here writing about it now.

so, there's an antique shop that i believe is in raymond. maybe it's windham? i don't know, either way, it's on 302 right after a shopping plaza with a tony's foodland and a subway and some movie rental place and it looks like this:

it's really neat. there's lots of old cameras, records, weird old dresses and hats, and old keys there. it's nice because nothing is marked with a price and the lady basically just gives most of it away. it's the kind of place that's so unorganized and dusty that you have to spend two hours there before you get bored or start to sneeze uncontrollably. if any ladies out there wanna take a trip there with me sometime, i'd be thrilled and we could come back and i'd make you some of that tea that blooms in front of you. i'll pour yours if you'll pour mine.

can be listened to on repeat.

oh, the things i would do to you...if you didn't cost $80.